U.S. President Donald Trump has reportedly been left bewildered and disappointed after discovering that the South African refugees he welcomed under his “Mission South Africa” program are not the seasoned farmers he had envisioned — but instead, an unexpected mix of former car guards, aspiring influencers, and one man who insists he once almost bought a tractor.
The initiative, launched with characteristic fanfare earlier this year, aimed to fast-track immigration for white South African farmers allegedly being displaced from their land. Trump touted them as “the best farmers — tremendous people — very persecuted,” painting a dramatic picture of land seizures and rural chaos, despite the South African government’s repeated denials of any widespread evictions.
However, the arrival of the first group in Ohio quickly burst the fantasy. Instead of arriving in dusty boots and wide-brimmed hats, the newcomers reportedly stepped off the plane in streetwear, clutching iPhones, and asking for the nearest Chick-fil-A.
“They told me they were farmers. Amazing farmers. Now it turns out they don’t know the difference between a tractor and a Tesla,” Trump allegedly said while meandering through a Home Depot garden aisle, visibly distressed. “One guy thought ‘irrigation’ was a TikTok challenge. I’m not kidding.”
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White House insiders, speaking anonymously from behind a mop closet door, confirmed the former president had been “visibly shaken” by the revelation. His original plan to integrate the group into Midwest farmlands quickly unraveled as many lacked any agricultural experience.
“I thought we were coming for the American Dream — you know, freedom, Instagram followers, maybe a gaming channel,” said Jaco, 26, who once worked as a car guard in Johannesburg and is now living in a Nebraska barn. “Farming? I’ve never planted anything in my life.”
Still, some remain optimistic. Corné, another arrival, offered: “I told Mr. Trump I can’t farm, but I can organize any parking lot, anytime, anywhere. That’s a skill.”
While Trump hasn’t officially commented on whether the program will be adjusted, sources say he’s now considering a vetting process that involves “mandatory tractor selfies and at least one corn-related anecdote.”
Reported by NewsVine
