Winnie Aminu
Office romance is something we all have an opinion about. It is aptly phrased “don’t shit where you eat”, but how many people can really help it?
At the end of the day fate and chance are unpredictable, some people get into it and it gets chaotic while for some it turns out as a happy ever after.
I met Kunle during the first day of work training. Cute man! Dark skinned, great height, bearded, broad shoulders with lots of charm just the way I like my men. But what I didn’t know was that he was going to take me for a ride of my life. Sweet and sour!
We started off as friends and then the flirting began. I didn’t give in quickly. I was afraid of my pretty girl reputation and skeptical of getting involved with a colleague for lots of reasons: “what if he kisses and tell?”.
But all those thoughts went away with time. As a pretty girl lots of guys wanted me and lots of girls wanted him but we both chose each other.
We started spending lots of time together outside work, watching movies, going on dates, followed him to watch football matches with his friends at times, we lodge in hotels once in a month for the fun of it and went on trips together. We had so much fun and of course the mating was great. He understood my body and made me discover lots of things about my body, he exposed me sexually, the way he worshipped my body and literally ate it up needs to be studied.
After a year together, we went hunting for a new apartment and eventually got a perfect place. We went shopping for interiors together and set the place up, after that I literally moved in with him, we cooked together, ate a lot together, worked out together, went to work together and came back to his place together, not caring who was watching and their opinion.
I only go home on weekends, his home became my home. He was a great lover, he was kind to me and cooked a lot. Something he said he was never going to do at the beginning. Everything was beautiful; we were beautiful and I knew people where envious of what we shared and we shared it loudly. But just like most good things on earth ours ended. Sweet and sour.
We both ignored the lack of trust, jealousy and possessiveness from the beginning until it became uncontrollable. He hated seeing men close to me, he always thought the worst and I felt the same way too. In an office with lots of youths and admirers from both sides that couldn’t be avoided, plus I knew some of the ladies wanted to go to bed with him and he, like most men, claimed to be ignorant about it. As if the signs weren’t clear enough.
It’s three years already. And the butterflies and the adrenaline rush were running low. We both started driving each other crazy, lots of fighting, lots of uncontrolled emotions, and it started affecting my work which was sad because I was great at my job. I started hearing rumors of him cheating on me which I never really acted on, even though I’ve suspected he was cheating. I had no proof.
This was not like most breakups. We never caught each other cheating. I always thought I never caught him because of how smart he is, and truth be told, Kunle wasn’t a dumb guy. He had a sharp brain, potent when combined with his great looks, and I admired that so much about him.
My mind was literally always restless, I kept thinking the worst of every situation to the extent I was having dreams of him cheating on me. It was hell and toxic for both of us, even though I knew it.
Kunle and I were both unhappy and had tried our best to make it work but eventually gave up after lots of unhappy events. We thought it wise to go our separate ways when we began to wear our frustration on our sleeves.
Kunle eventually got promoted at work and couldn’t have that kind of distraction; neither could I. Not anymore. But not being together was a struggle because we had to see each other every week day at work. That didn’t make it any easy for us.
The fact that we had to act like we didn’t care about each other at work was one of the hardest part for me. When he sees any man talking closely to me he gets irritated and goes to do the same with another woman which in return boils me up.
We started playing lots of unnecessary mind games. We had moments we didn’t talk, we just walked along like strangers. At such moments my heart always beat faster. The sight of him and his presence always gave me the shivers. Seeing him talk and laugh with others made me sad and jealous, he was my person, I craved for our great, heartwarming conversations and his hugs, he always gave the best hugs.
Truth is we were never able to stay mad at each other for long, we cared too much for each other. And we were honest with ourselves and knew that being together was more hurtful for both of us because of the lack of trust and apparently it’s hard to sustain a good relationship or friendship without trust. Trust makes you feel safe and safe makes you feel at home and that is how love should feel like.
The office gossip crew took all they saw and added to their stories as always. People asking questions, trying to meddle, and not knowing who to trust. They said all manner of things, even said he never loved me and that he only wanted to use and dumb me.
But Kunle and I knew the truth and the truth was that we both loved each other and still cared about each other. We just couldn’t get the relationship to work. Or maybe we didn’t try hard enough.
My anger and frustration was that he proved them right. After a while he started seeing one of our colleagues; everyone knew he was talking to her, including me.
Kunle was fond of going through my system whenever I was off my desk. I caught him a couple of times but chose to ignore him. He always denied dating this girl anytime I bring it up until I eventually went to his desk when he was off for one of his breaks to finally return the favor.
I went through his chat with the lady I suspected, and what I saw literally broke my heart, the pain was very unbearable I couldn’t sleep all through that night.
We eventually spoke about it. He apologized and said they just started talking innocently and then they decided to hit it off because he needed someone and it’s hard to find any genuine connection outside work because we spend most of our time at work.
He tried belittling his new relationship, but I knew him so I knew he liked her and that hurt the most. I had to leave “four years loving him, I couldn’t watch him love another woman.”
I prayed and tried encouraging myself to persevere, reminding myself of how hard the labor market is in Nigeria. God, my heart was heavy and bleeding and it seemed like an endless torture, watching him unapologetically go on with his life while mine was still filled with memories. The cut was so deep. Sweet and sour memories.
I became depressed at work. I had to choose my peace, happiness and sanity over a steady income, and I thought to myself, I will never be ashamed of hurting for love and also running from the love that hurts, even though I knew the aftermath might be difficult and it was for a while.
After all I wanted him to be happy with whoever. I just didn’t want to watch it, I couldn’t. Maybe I still can’t.
He obviously didn’t want me to resign. He fought so hard against it but I just had to quit, for that and other reasons, like me being tired of the organization. After five years with them, they had no room for growth or increase both in position and salary so naturally I got tired of that too.
After my resignation until this day Kunle put in effort to see we keep our friendship going.
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I fought it for awhile until I eventually healed and thought to just acknowledge and accept his efforts, afterall he’s always been kind to me and like he always says “he’s always here”.
I remember he once telling me just before my resignation that “anytime he thinks of us getting back together he gets scared that I might never be truly happy or feel safe with him”. As sad as it sounded, he was actually right. My heart and body wanted him badly but my spirit and mind kept fighting against it, and I know better so I couldn’t ignore those two things. I consoled myself with “maybe we weren’t meant to be together.”
That’s my story and it’s important you know that this isn’t everyone’s story. I know of some colleagues whose love story led to marriage and others who had to resign because the fire they started couldn’t be tamed, just like me, and that’s not always smart because leaving without a plan can turn out very bad for most. At the end of the day dating at work is risky just like every good thing in life is.
Workplace romance statistics show that over 60% of adults have had a workplace romance. 50% report flirting with their co-workers. Between little time outside work to meet people, the comfort of the office and the shared experience makes office romance unavoidable. 43% led to marriage, 85% of affairs outside of marriage start at the office, which all increases workplace gossip, and the perception of promoting favoritism.
It also impacts everyone within an organization–not just those in the relationship. And it brings some level of untold drama which can quickly become a nightmare for Human Resources departments.
So what are your thoughts on it? Is it something you’re open to?
And if you’ve been involved, was it worth it?
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