In many cultures, the wedding celebration is just the beginning of what society often considers the next phase: starting a family.
For newly married couples, especially in societies where parenthood is seen as a natural follow-up to marriage, the expectation to have children almost immediately can be overwhelming.
In places like Nigeria, where cultural traditions place a strong emphasis on family, it is common for family members, friends, and even casual acquaintances to inquire about pregnancy soon after a wedding.
Expressions of excitement about the prospect of children can quickly turn into probing questions or unsolicited advice. “So, when are you giving us a baby?” or “It’s time for you to start a family now,” are often heard within months or even weeks of the wedding.
While some couples are eager to start a family right away, for many, these expectations add unnecessary stress.
This pressure often falls more heavily on the wife, as societal norms in many cultures still link a woman’s identity and marital success to her ability to bear children.
For many young couples today, the choice of when to start a family is a deeply personal decision, often influenced by factors such as career, finances, and readiness for parenthood. However, societal pressure can overshadow these considerations.
Newlyweds Grace and Samuel Okechukwu shared that they experienced unsolicited questions about pregnancy just days after their wedding.
“We had plans to enjoy each other and stabilize our finances first, but the pressure from both families has been overwhelming.
“People keep asking if something is wrong, which makes us second-guess our own plans. But thank God my husband and I were on the same page, so we could walk through the whole process of questioning and interrogation,” Grace said.
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Financial considerations are particularly important for some couples, especially given the rising costs of healthcare, education, and living expenses.
Daniel and Miriam, who married last year, feel strongly about establishing a secure financial foundation before welcoming children.
“We want to provide a stable environment for our future kids, but people make it seem like we’re doing something wrong by waiting,” Miriam explains.
Such sentiments are echoed by many couples who feel societal expectations are often at odds with their desire for thoughtful family planning.
The Impact on Mental Health and Marital Happiness
The intense focus on immediate childbearing can deeply impact a couple’s mental health, particularly affecting women, who often face the bulk of societal expectations.
This expectation can also strain a couple’s relationship if they have different ideas about when to start a family.
For Neemat Abdulmalik, the pressure proved overwhelming, as her marriage ended after just three months.
“I couldn’t take it anymore. The pain, the harsh words from my husband and his family—it was just too much,” she shared, recounting the breakdown that followed her husband’s insistence on having a child right away.
While some couples navigate these expectations together, Neemat’s experience underscores the strain that differing views on when to ‘procreate’ can place on a marriage, especially within a society that often equates childbearing with happiness.
Dr. Adegoke Rachel, a consultant psychologist highlights that the stress of meeting these expectations can lead to anxiety, depression, and even affect marital satisfaction.
“When couples are constantly reminded of their ‘duty’ to have children, it places an enormous amount of stress on the wife, often resulting in a sense of inadequacy if pregnancy doesn’t happen right away,” she said.
This pressure is even more challenging for couples experiencing fertility issues. The constant questioning and unsolicited advice can be deeply hurtful, leading some couples to avoid family gatherings or isolate themselves to escape the scrutiny.
Bola and Hillary, married for two years, have faced this struggle firsthand.
“We’re already dealing with our own emotions around trying to conceive, and the pressure from others just makes it harder.
“People don’t realize the damage their questions can cause,” Bola shares.
A Need for Change
While the cultural expectation for newlyweds to have children quickly is deeply ingrained in many societies, a growing number of couples are choosing to push back against these norms, making it clear that they will make the choice that is right for them.
Societal norms take time to change, but with greater awareness and understanding, there is hope that newlyweds will be given the space to decide on their family planning journey without external pressure.
For newlyweds navigating this journey, the key lies in communication—both with each other and with their families. As more couples prioritize their personal readiness over societal expectations, they’re setting an example that marriage and family planning are personal journeys, best undertaken on their own terms.
Credible News.ng
